Number 1: Crepe Myrtles. OH. MY. GOSH. Can those trees smell any worse? What my landlords were thinking when they planted those around every corner, in front of every door, and in every free spot of mulch, I will never know. I'm not exactly thrilled that those plants weren't destroyed by the straight line winds we had today. I just need one solid hour with a chainsaw. Just one. I'm sure everyone in my apartment complex would thank me. Those trees smell like the inside of a sumo wrestler's "uniform" after a hard day's work. Can I get an amen? Yeah, I thought so.
Number 2: My neighbors. No, not the kind souls that live adjacent to me...the not-so-kind ones that live behind me. For some reason, my bedroom window is paper-thin. The window serves as the headboard for my bed, so I can quite literally hear everything that goes on outside. Lucky for me, or not-so-lucky, I can hear everything that anyone says in the back parking lot. Sometimes this serves as really good entertainment, but more often than not it bugs me to death. I understand that this is a college town, precious redneck angel, but must you remind everyone of how great your night at Cowbells was? It's 2:30am on a Wednesday. As jealous as I am of your prominent social agenda, I would really enjoy it if you'd not carry on a full-fledged conversation with your girlfriend or your buddies outside of your residence. These apartments are really nice. I don't understand what's keeping you outside. I'm an old woman compared to most people in the complex. This doesn't mean that I don't appreciate having a good time, but if I stay up til 4:00 am listening to my idiot neighbors, there's a definite possibility that I'm not going to be able to fulfill my own social agenda in the days to come. Mamaw Collins needs her beauty and sanity sleep. You understand.
Number 3: Landscape Personnel. I would have to say that this tops all of the aforementioned issues. I'm this close to dialing the number to our landscape service and posing as the manager of all of our properties. I need to let them know that there have been countless complaints regarding the time of day in which our landscape maintenance occurs. It never fails that on the days I get to sleep (Saturdays, for example) our landscape crew deems that "blow off the parking lot day". REALLY!?! You have to blow all of the debris left by those disgusting Crepe Myrtles into one pile that will just blow back across the mulch and pavement with one gust of wind? And do you HAVE to perform this task before 8am? Is that entirely necessary? Can't you rake or sweep it up? Maybe something that doesn't make so much noise? I mean, my window is paper-thin for crying out loud. And I need my beauty and sanity sleep. Or if this practice must continue, must you begin your chores on my end of the complex? How about spicing things up for a change and beginning at the back? That way maybe the sun will be up before you reach my window. Oh, and while you're out there, Mr. Landscape Maintenance guy, could you do me a favor and be productive by taking an ax to that Crepe Myrtle? Not only does it smell to high heaven, but it also has a tendency to scratch on my window on gusty nights. Thanks. I'd really appreciate that. Oh, and also, there's a can of skoal that has been on my stoop for weeks now. If you don't mind, could you blow that off while you're disturbing my slumber? Yeah, I thought not. Maybe next time.
Until next time,
BC
Best one yet!!!
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